A LIfe Once Lost - Rehashed

My head rests on my shoulders facing the sun
I struggle to walk
The burden of this guilt I hide from you is growing
You'll never know what it is
This is the kind of person that I am
This is the kind of person I've turned into
In time of song I am the Kamikaze dreamer
Clog my own throat; swallowed by color tortured slumber
It becomes harder to breathe or think clearly
Remorse Instigates an overkill of self loathing the older I get
So I'll rest my dead beat tongue, You'll dismiss me anyway

>> Needleman

What happens here stays here, right?
This is nothing but a miserable lesson learned
What we share together will not end up streaming through someone else's lips
I must fight with shadows in my own defense and worst of all, their names I do not know
Tell me do I disgust you?
Tell me do I amuse you?
Tell me which is it?
I fit their image so perfectly and it is making them sick
Is this disgust?
Is it disgust or amusement?
That catches you attention; that draws them near
Is it disgust or amusement?
Disgust or amusement; Which is it?

>> Vulture

I need a miracle to conquer this endeavor
The imagery of song to portray the routine of life
Maybe I'm neurotic or just wrong in general
Maybe I should concede and put out the fire
Can you feel this uproar festering desire in my thoughts?
I can promise you one thing; I will haunt you till you die
I can promise you one thing; I will hunt you till you die
In absence of your favor I would rather choose death
I'd prefer it would be executed only by you
No legacy, fall short of understanding
Maybe I should concede and put out the fire
I want you to bleed me of my misery
Drained bled dry; hung up for all to see

>> Pain & Panic

Tonight you are going to suffer and I will be the last glimpse of anything you see
Is pain real?
Do you believe in pain?
I want to walk away but I sit and watch you slowly fall in and out of consciousness
The pain
The panic
Grab your chest, feel your heart wanting to break through
The throbbing grows and turns into a steady pound
This is real; Fear is real
Do you believe in fear?
The leisure of my scolding action happens to leave a staggered expression on your bloated face
The impact leaves a scar
Can you smell the concern; This rancid scent of horror
I am always amazed how little I know you

>> Hunter

This is when panic and shock are given out in doses
There is nothing to admire
Absent from this present anxiety is liberation
Malice now exists inside my head Crush and rebuild
Destroy and organize
I stand above looking down on this devastation
Words form blindly to express my feelings
And these hands work to gather what is lost
Anxious thoughts
Torment now exists inside my head

>> Grotesque

These words collapse your confidence
Your destructive existence is nauseating
Fake, with no self esteem; you're nothing
You change with manic uncertainty
Now I will be the master
Now I will choose my boatswain
I push myself in and out of relationships
But I don't know you
I push myself in and out of control
But I don't own you
Exactly how should I stand here, waiting for you to finally answer
As you verbally bash me

>> Salai

"If you are alone, you will be your own man"

>> A Rush & Siege

I can't understand what I do wrong half the time
My judgement is blurred from this last year of defeat
I never once acted like this before I met you
Now I'm a simplified sensation
I'm nothing; a laughing stock to some
I'm sorry for my vicious decline into this bedlam you see before your eyes
I adhere to the progress of my helpless desire to live
My innards are freezing inherently, like winter rain
I'm over infectous regret

>> I Give In

In continue to succumb to mundane hospitality
Fabricating pertinent dinner conversation
Fascinating breath pressing drawls
Asking myself why
Unbelievable isn't it; the way we twist the words around just to get that quick fix
I swore someday I'd save myself from
Cum dreamt lines forcing faster
And I'll tease you, tickle your goddamn nod job
Again asking myself why
At last, can I please rest?
Vacate every day after day

>> Ghosting

I am impatient and hard to please
No sense of serenity
Habitual neurosis transcends into thoughts of suicide
And when this body lay lifeless, don't patronize me by
Insisting this was all done because of you
I am beyond redemption, even in death I will not speak
I am beyond redemption, even in death I will not sleep
With abandonment of trust and self
Hope is void of longevity
A shelter less recluse, I
Date: 11.10.2018      View: 147