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Shel Silverstein - Diet Song

Shel Silverstein - Diet Song

Well breakfast black coffee one slice of dry toast no butter no jelly no jam -- Lunch just some lettuce two celery stalks no booze no potatoes no ham -- Dinner one chicken wing broiled not fried no gravy no biscuits no pie -- And this dietin' dietin' dietin' dietin' sure is a rough way to die -- -- So pass me a carrot stick peel me a prune a glass of skim milk and that's all -- Turn off the TV for the Big Mac commercial it's drivin' me straight up the wall -- And I'm think' of french fries sausage and waffles spaghetti and cookies and cake -- And each night I'm dreamin' of chocolate ice cream and -- I'm starvin' to death when I wake all for your sake -- [more]

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Shel Silverstein - Daylight Dreamer

Shel Silverstein - Daylight Dreamer

Here's the half-finished painting of a girl that I started last December -- Here's the first three pages of my novel bout I don't really remember -- Here's my Martin guitar that I never quite learned how to play -- That's the daylight dreamer wishful thinker's way -- -- I had a Harley bike but I traded it off to a feller -- For the Astroglass boat that's still sittin down in my cellar -- I bought a tape recorder and found I had nothin' to say -- That's the daylight dreamer wishful thinker's way -- -- [more]

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Shel Silverstein - Handy Man

Shel Silverstein - Handy Man

Well on a Monday I'll be slingin' hash Tuesday I'll be collectin' trash -- And on a Wednesday I might be tendin' bar -- Thursday I'll be the guy who parks your car -- On a Friday I might be teachin' school a Saturday finds me hustlin' pool -- I got a whole lotta talents in demand that's why they call me Handy Man -- -- Pow-pow-pow-hum all the neighborhood girls and boys -- Pow-pow-pow-pow they come to me to mend their toys -- Ta-ra-ra-ra their daddys call me to mow their lawn -- And their mama's all horny when their daddys are gone -- [more]

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Shel Silverstein - Mermaid

Shel Silverstein - Mermaid

Hey when I was a lad in fishing town an old man said to me -- You can spend your life your jolly life just sailing on the sea -- Now you can search the world for pretty girls till your eyes are weak and dim -- But don't go swimming with the mermaid son if you don't know how to swim -- If you don't know how to swim -- For her hair is green as seaweed and her skin is blue and pale -- And I tell you now before you start you can love that girl with all your heart -- But you're just gonna love the upper part you're not gonna like the tail -- -- So I signed onto a whaling ship and my very first day at sea -- [more]

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Shel Silverstein - Paranoid

Shel Silverstein - Paranoid

Everybody says I'm paranoid they all think I'm crazy -- They all smile to my face but they'd like to see me die -- They put poison in my coffee they put ground glass in my oatmeal -- They put spiders in my tennis shoes and shit in my pecan pie -- It's hard to stop and figure out where did it all begin -- You see my father wanted a little girl and my mother wanted twins -- And my grandpa admired Hitler so everything I did was wrong -- And I'm gonna stop now cause even though you're smilin' I -- Yeah and I know you're only listenin' cause you don't wanna hurt my feelin's -- And you're just waitin' for me to leave so you can laugh about my open fly -- [more]

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Shel Silverstein - Modern Talk

Shel Silverstein - Modern Talk

(There was a time when people talked said with their mouth -- How they talk and it doesn't mean a thing it's called the modern talk)
-- Now picture the scene the day is sunny -- A man meets a friend and asks him for some money -- He says I need five to keep me alive -- And the friend gives him this kinda jive -- He says zaa za voo za za voo I can't make it -- Vome zoo za vome a viddle o till then -- And he's right back out on the street again -- -- [more]

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Shel Silverstein - Peanut Butter Sandwich

Shel Silverstein - Peanut Butter Sandwich

(I'll tell you a story of silly young king -- Who played with the world at the end of a string -- But he only loved one single thing and that was just a peanut butter sandwich) -- -- Now his scepter wand his royal gowns his regal throne and golden crowns -- Were brown and sticky from the mounds -- And drippings from each peanut butter sandwich -- His subjects all were silly fools cuz he had passed a royal rule -- -- That all that they could learn in school was how to make a peanut butter sandwich -- [more]

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Shel Silverstein - Sure Hit Songwriter's Pen

Shel Silverstein - Sure Hit Songwriter's Pen

Now I was hangin' round Nashville writin' songs and playin' 'em for all of the stars -- Watchin' 'em laugh and hand 'em back livin' on hope and Hershey bars -- So I pawned my guitar and bought a ticket home and I's headin' for the Trailway bus -- When I seen an old fountain pen laying in the gutter so I stopped and picked it up -- It was worn-out bent and cast aside you know kinda sorta like myself -- So I sat down on the curb and wrote a little song -- That told the world how both of us felt -- Then I run that song down to Music Row and before I had time to spit -- -- It's pitched and sold and cut for a record -- [more]

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Shel Silverstein - Smoke Off

Shel Silverstein - Smoke Off

In the laid back California town of sunny San Raphael -- Lived a girl named Pearly Sweetcake you probly knew her well -- Shed been stoned fifteen of her eighteen years and the story was widely told -- That she could smoke 'em faster than anyone could roll -- Her legend finally reached New York that Grove Street walk-up flat -- Where dwelt The Calistoga Kid a beatnik from the past -- With long browned lightnin fingers he takes a cultured toke -- And says Hell I can roll -- -- -- [more]

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Shel Silverstein - She's My Ever Lovin' Machine

Shel Silverstein - She's My Ever Lovin' Machine

Hey boys you know once I was took in by a girl with a twinkly eye -- And the first time that I wasn't lookin' she run off with a handsomer guy oh my -- But I'm an ingenious feller yeah as soon as my brain got uncurled -- I tiptoed right down to my cellar and I built a mechanical girl -- Oh her arms are iron her legs are steel her hips are on wires attached to a wheel -- And her spine is a coil that I now and then oil she's my ever-lovin' machine -- -- She has no trouble making her mind up for I did not give her a mind -- And her heart is a clock that I wind up so I know that she'll love me in time -- Oh she never complains when I stay out all night she never complains I'm not rich -- [more]

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