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Weird Al Yankovic - Dare To Be Stupid

Weird Al Yankovic - Dare To Be Stupid

Put down your chainsaw and listen to me -- It's time for us to join in the fight -- It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys -- It's time to let the bedbugs bite -- -- You better put all your eggs in one basket -- You better count your chickens before they hatch -- You better sell some wine before it's&its time -- You better find yourself an itch to scratch -- -- [more]

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Weird Al Yankovic - I Want A New Duck

Weird Al Yankovic - I Want A New Duck

Woh oh -- -- I want a new duck -- One that won't try to bite -- One that won't chew a hole in my socks -- One that won't quack all night -- -- I want a new duck -- One with big webbed feet -- One that knows how to wash my car -- [more]

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Weird Al Yankovic - Fat

Weird Al Yankovic - Fat

Your butt is wide, well mine is too -- Just watch your mouth or I'll sit on you -- The word is out, better treat me right -- 'Cause I'm the king of cellulite -- Ham on, ham on, ham on whole wheat, all right -- -- My zippers bust, my buckles break -- I'm too much man for you to take -- The pavement cracks when I fall down -- I've got more chins than Chinatown -- [more]

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Weird Al Yankovic - Alimony

Weird Al Yankovic - Alimony

Here she comes now, wants her alimony -- Bleedin' me dry as a bony bony -- Workin' three jobs just to stay in debt now -- Well, first she took my nest egg then she took the nest -- I said yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah) -- -- (Yeah) 'Cause she took my house (alimony), my car (alimony) -- My shoes (alimony) and my toothbrush too (alimony) -- Too bad (alimony), so sad (alimony) -- Ah-she got (alimony), got the gift of grab (alimony) -- [more]

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Weird Al Yankovic - You Don't Love Me Anymore

Weird Al Yankovic - You Don't Love Me Anymore

We've been together for so very long -- But now things are changing, oh I wonder what's wrong? -- Seems you don't want me around -- The passion is gone and the flame's died down -- -- I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem -- That time that you made it with the whole hockey team -- You used to think I was nice -- Now you tell all your friends that I'm the Antichrist -- -- [more]

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Weird Al Yankovic - Traffic Jam

Weird Al Yankovic - Traffic Jam

Carbon monoxide -- Making me choke -- No A.C. -- And the radio's broke -- Cars backed up -- Far as you can see -- Seems like I've been waiting here for all eternity -- Oh, and just in case you're wondering -- I'll tell you where I am -- I'm right here (right here) right here (right here) -- [more]

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Weird Al Yankovic - Gump

Weird Al Yankovic - Gump

Gump sat alone on a bench in the park -- "My name is Forrest," he'd casually remark -- Waitin' for the bus with his hands in his pockets -- He just kept sayin' life is like a box of chocolates -- -- He's Gump, He's Gump -- What's in his head? -- He's Gump, He's Gump, He's Gump -- Is he in-bred? -- -- [more]

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Weird Al Yankovic - I Remember Larry

Weird Al Yankovic - I Remember Larry

Say, do you remember that guy Larry next door -- Well, he always was the neighborhood clown -- Like the time he took my pants off and he took those color pictures -- And posted copies all over town -- Or the time that he dumped toxic waste on my lawn -- Or those wacky prank phone calls from midnight 'till dawn -- What a crazy kid Larry was, always foolin' around -- -- Boy, what a joker -- What a funny, funny guy -- [more]

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Weird Al Yankovic - Phony Calls

Weird Al Yankovic - Phony Calls

Mom and dad are goin' out for the evening -- And you're stuck inside the house all alone -- That's when you decide it might be fun to harrass someone -- Dial a random number up on your telephone -- You ask if their refrigerator is running -- Then you tell 'em they should go out and catch it -- Buddy, if they ever figured out where you were callin' 'em from -- They'd come and bust your head right in with a ratchet -- Listen to me -- -- [more]

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Weird Al Yankovic - Your Horoscope For Today

Weird Al Yankovic - Your Horoscope For Today

Aquarius -- There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus -- Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day -- -- Pisces -- Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus -- You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say -- -- Aries -- The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon -- [more]

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